I GOT A FEELING

I've been meaning to write for a while but I have been busy with my thesis and when I haven't, I've been procrastinating.Overall I haven't experienced anything that has inspired me to write anything I would want documented.
A few weeks ago I looked out the window and saw a man smile and talk to a grave. He looked as though he had bumped into an old friend he hadn't seen in a long time. He spoke at length with such elaborate gestures that are rather unusual for a Swedish man as if to use every inch of his body to quicken the pace of filling in the grave on what he or she had missed out on.
I felt sad for a while and was inspired to write about death and how one minute people can be in your life and the next minute they could be as good as a figment of your imagination.But death is something I could ramble on about for hours and it just gets you down. Why write about it when everybody will experience it.

People come, people go, thats life. It's also part of life that people don't have to be dead to come and go. Neither does someone always have to talk to you for you to know that you are still friends and that they still care.Thinking back to the man I watched through the window I think back to the few good friends I have had in my life who I rarely talk to. It's not easy to find someone you enjoy spending time with and who you don't have to think twice about being who you really are with.Often we settle for who ever will talk to us and appreciate the fact that there is someone there to remind us that we are human and that we are not a ghost in limbo observing the lives of others.But it's those people who make you forget you are human and accept whatever or whoever you are at that moment who you really appreciate and feel and know that they are your friends. No words can express this friendship because its true and pure and something pure can never be defined. People can only find a way to call it words they understand but this never fully grasps what it is.

Today I met a man I could talk to at length about a number of things. We had one of those odd conversations you think back to years on and appreciate the brief moment you had with someone you know and don't try to ever see again. He shed light on something I always wonder about and that is "the feeling".
I've always argued with my friends about what the feeling is and whether we still have it or not but none of us really knows what it is.We can just say whether you have it or not.
I asked the man about how he got along with everyone where he stays and he said to me
-Listen you know who can talk to and who you can't. I don't talk to everyone here. I leave some people alone. I talk to him and I talk to him.It's not like that guy has done anything to me but you just have a feeling about who you can talk to or not, you know what I mean? Do you ever get that feeling? the feeling when you know you can get along with someone and the feeling where you know you should just leave someone.-

I hope I knew what he meant but whether I did or not I know what what he said to me meant.

The feeling isn't something that someone can tell you that you have or not. It's something only you know.Without it it can feel tiresome to talk to someone, I find myself avoiding people sometimes, you could think it's because I am not so sociable but I'd rather take it as me not wanting to waste my time playing roles and pretending to have the feeling with someone. Of course I can't only talk to people who I have the feeling towards but I have now learnt to acknowledge and accept that although I may not have anything in common with someone or may not find them interesting I don't have to avoid them. I can let time pass and take in the non feeling so that the rare times I find someone I have the feeling towards I can recognise it instantly embrace it and enjoy the good company.

Mary Roach: 10 things you didn't know about orgasm | Video on TED.com

Mary Roach: 10 things you didn't know about orgasm | Video on TED.com

Las Chicas del Can - El negro no puede (Waka Waka)

BACK TO THE fUTURE

A long long time ago before the Internet controlled our world and planes had never crashed there lived a young vibrant rat in a far away village , on a little Island between Africa, Asia and America.This little rat, named Despise, was the happiest little rat a happy little rat could ever be. For Despise knew no predators in his little village, he knew no hunger nor disease. This little village called Nuclear Weapon was a bit peculiar for everybody in the village was different, there was only one rat,one dog,one cat,one person,one bird and the list goes on.There was only one of each and each was different but one fact made them all the same and that is they were all the same. They ate the same food, slept in the same place, did the same activities everyday, listened to the same music which they made together,knew the same people and felt nothing towards each other but pure happiness. Life was pleasant in Nuclear Weapon, everything happened perfectly everyday that there was no way to differentiate one day from another. Nobody was born and Nobody died.Each little different body just ate, sang and slept and they never had to feel content because they knew nothing else.

One unusual day on Nuclear Weapon there arrived a ship and on it came out a big Rat named White house. It was a little lighter than Despise and a lot bigger. It spoke with a deep voice and when it sang the whole of Nuclear Weapon vibrated in a way it had never done before. The leaves began to fall off the trees as White House walked around looking for a sign of life. He sang to himself a song everybody could hear from the edge of Nuclear Weapon. It was so loud and fierce the hairs rose and their happy little hearts froze. Altogether they decided to look for what ever was making such a disturbance and it didn't take much time for them to spot White House as he was pitching a flag of America.

'Hello my dear friends" White House roared. ' i am so happy to discover this place with plenty of food and lots of happiness'. 'In America we do not have all this, I bet if you came we could be like you and everybody could be happy too."
Nobody responded, they all stood in shock as they listened to this strong Rat who resembled Despise,only he was more fierce and more forceful and in his walk and his speech and he had come with this flag , this different music and change. Blood started to rush through every body's veins faster and as it reached their hearts they felt an excitement they had never known.They began to know things they had never imagined could exist like future and possibility, difference and power. It was all to much to learn or understand that they all just stood there digesting their feelings.

White house walked around placing flags everywhere and singing his song. When he came across food he sat and ate and ate and talked about how he had never eaten such good and nutritious food before. He ate so much he finished half of Nuclear weapons food for the day but no one uttered a word as they just watched and digested their feelings.

Zamina (Waka Waka, time for Africa) Original Version

Rapunzel Rapunzel let down your

Rupenzel's strength and beauty lies in her long fair hair and with it she has the power to lure the prince to her night after night as he is bewildered by her beauty.After her hair is cut by the evil Mother Gothel she is separated with the prince and he soon looses his eyesight after falling into thorns.As a blind man he is able to see beyond Rupunzel's long golden hair and finds her and her beauty in the song she sings. Sad as this may sound this fairy tale applies to one in every....well i'd say to every woman. We face battles and confrontations with our hair that lead us to the extent of singing songs such as "I am not my hair" by India Arie who bravely flaunts her natural Afro on the dangerous battlefield of lace up weaves. The tragedy is even more severe for the black woman who was blessed with kinky,uncombable hair that never grows straight if it grows at all and when it does God bless the comb that survives through combing it. We suffer through the process and have learnt to enjoy the few months we can Rupunzel ourselves in fake hair. 



Why Fake hair?

• So I don't have to comb mine every morning

• So my own hair doesn't break

• So i get the same hair style as Beyonce, Rihanna or what ever odd one i saw a girl on the streets with.

• Because it looks good when it's done well and i feel confident and beautiful

• Because I get bored when I don't change my hair and I love to look different.

Why not

• Because it's fake and deceiving

• It's expensive and time consuming

2-8hrs to get it done (at times you have up to three people doing it for you) at least 15min to fix it every morning 15 min to oil it then tie it at night before you sleep at least 1hour to wash and dry it 2-8hrs to undo it. at least 1hour to wash and dry it and another hour to blow dry it then straighten it price anything from $50 (if you are getting it done at someone's house which would take a longer time and be more uncomfortable) $100 up in a hair salon Taking it off anything from $50 not to mention the hair food, shampoo, conditioner, spray,protein serum, blow drier,straightener and accessories.

• Because people always look great with their natural hair and the prince will only truly loves us after he is been blinded and can finally see who we are.

My WAR

I FORGOT MYSELF IN 2009

A Few days before Christmas
Uppsala
3 more hours to make a decision , do i go? do i stay? if i go i spend new years with two of my friends in Denmark but is it worth it, its only for two days and i could always go for half the price one week from now. If i stay i can pretend its any another normal night and ignore the crowd and fireworks outside my window. I get a premonition, there will be tears and depression if i stay. My mum calls me and shockingly suggests i go to Denmark. I call my friends and tell them I'm coming with them, throw some clothes into a bag, i already knew what i would pack i had just needed a little encouragement and mum called at the right time.



I rush to the train station and buy a ticket, thank God the prices hadn't gone up again. I say good bye to the dark Swedish days that where starting to haunt me, good buy to the mundane routine of waking up at 1pm , walking to the city to look for sales and sleeping at 5am. I say good bye to Sweden and head off to 2010.

there is only one problem ,I'm not the one who made it to the new year ,it was only my body. My spirit has been chasing after me ever since the 29Th of December I've been running too fast and living unpredictably,it seems even my mind can not catch up to my thoughts.

Train of thoughts


Fairy Tales and now it was shipped to China

I finally get the chance to breath. My blood has finally been drained of all its inhibitors and it reaches my brain. I can think clearly and search inside myself to find out if Spirit is still there. I've been way too busy to feel empty, way too busy to feel. I realise no one is there and find a faded post it note written "wait for me". How long has it been there ? why have i never noticed it?