A few weeks ago I looked out the window and saw a man smile and talk to a grave. He looked as though he had bumped into an old friend he hadn't seen in a long time. He spoke at length with such elaborate gestures that are rather unusual for a Swedish man as if to use every inch of his body to quicken the pace of filling in the grave on what he or she had missed out on.
I felt sad for a while and was inspired to write about death and how one minute people can be in your life and the next minute they could be as good as a figment of your imagination.But death is something I could ramble on about for hours and it just gets you down. Why write about it when everybody will experience it.
People come, people go, thats life. It's also part of life that people don't have to be dead to come and go. Neither does someone always have to talk to you for you to know that you are still friends and that they still care.Thinking back to the man I watched through the window I think back to the few good friends I have had in my life who I rarely talk to. It's not easy to find someone you enjoy spending time with and who you don't have to think twice about being who you really are with.Often we settle for who ever will talk to us and appreciate the fact that there is someone there to remind us that we are human and that we are not a ghost in limbo observing the lives of others.But it's those people who make you forget you are human and accept whatever or whoever you are at that moment who you really appreciate and feel and know that they are your friends. No words can express this friendship because its true and pure and something pure can never be defined. People can only find a way to call it words they understand but this never fully grasps what it is.
Today I met a man I could talk to at length about a number of things. We had one of those odd conversations you think back to years on and appreciate the brief moment you had with someone you know and don't try to ever see again. He shed light on something I always wonder about and that is "the feeling".
I've always argued with my friends about what the feeling is and whether we still have it or not but none of us really knows what it is.We can just say whether you have it or not.
I asked the man about how he got along with everyone where he stays and he said to me
-Listen you know who can talk to and who you can't. I don't talk to everyone here. I leave some people alone. I talk to him and I talk to him.It's not like that guy has done anything to me but you just have a feeling about who you can talk to or not, you know what I mean? Do you ever get that feeling? the feeling when you know you can get along with someone and the feeling where you know you should just leave someone.-
I hope I knew what he meant but whether I did or not I know what what he said to me meant.
The feeling isn't something that someone can tell you that you have or not. It's something only you know.Without it it can feel tiresome to talk to someone, I find myself avoiding people sometimes, you could think it's because I am not so sociable but I'd rather take it as me not wanting to waste my time playing roles and pretending to have the feeling with someone. Of course I can't only talk to people who I have the feeling towards but I have now learnt to acknowledge and accept that although I may not have anything in common with someone or may not find them interesting I don't have to avoid them. I can let time pass and take in the non feeling so that the rare times I find someone I have the feeling towards I can recognise it instantly embrace it and enjoy the good company.
